“I don’t want to be a mom.”
When I first heard those words ring out of my 4-year old’s mouth, I was crushed. I immediately thought that this was my fault. Am I too hard on her? Am I too strict? Am I too neurotic? Does my job look boring to her? Is it because I stay home?
I thought about myself as a little girl, taking care of my dollies. Yes, I wanted to be a mother, no doubt, as a little girl. My daughter plays with toy dinosaurs all the time. Was that the problem? Should I be providing an environment of more baby doll stuff? Where had I gone wrong?
I decided to put my crazy away. I just flat out asked her.
Me: “When that kind old lady at the grocery store asked if you wanted to be a mom one day, why did you say that you didn’t want to be a mom?”
Her: “I like being a big sister. I like being a kid. And, I like living in this house.”
Me: “Yes, but what does that have to do with becoming a mom one day when you grow up? I see how you love to help take care of your little sister, and I think you will make a great mother one day.”
Her: “You don’t live in grandma’s house anymore. If I want to be a mom, I have to leave this house. And, I like it here. I don’t want to leave you.”
Me: [Tears]
Maybe my little big girl is happy with being who she is right now. A sister. My daughter. Who lives in this house. I will always remember that answer with a big heart. And, since then she’s been asked that question twice now. I just smile when she answers with an emphatic “No!”
Welcome to this week’s World Moms Blog week in review!
Monday, we were in California, USA for A. Roselyn’s story about how she is fighting off the baby blues with acupuncture!
We discussed religion on Tuesday, when Carol @ If By Yes talked about the thought process that went into christening her son — she is the great-granddaughter of a minister and her husband is an atheist.
Wednesday and Thursday the topic was being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM), two different moms of the world, and two different perspectives! The Alchemist of India shares some funny conversations with family members on the topic (20+ comments!), and Polish Mom Photographer knows she’s doing the right thing, but has many people implying that she’s not.
This week’s writers’ interviews featured two new writers from two new countries! Susie Newday joined us from Israel and EcoZiva joined us from Brazil! Susie writes a blog on staying positive, and she has two sons in the Israeli army. ExoZiva (perhaps, the inspiration for writing my story today), admits that she didn’t want to be a mom, but it really suits her now.
Our WMB writers answered about the biggest fears they have for their child’s future in the Friday Question. You won’t want to miss this one!
Tune in tomorrow to see where we are heading next in Kirsten Doyle’s Travel Itinerary!
Jennifer Burden
Founder/Editor
World Moms Blog
Photo credit to A. Stephano. This photo has a creative commons attribution license.
Jennifer Burden
Jennifer Burden is the Founder and CEO of World Moms Network, an award winning website on global motherhood, culture, human rights and social good. World Moms Network currently writes from over 30 countries, has over 70 contributors, is a volunteer effort and was listed by Forbes Woman as one of the "Best 100 Websites for Women 2012 and 2013." Also in 2013, World Moms Blog was called a "must read" by The New York Times Motherlode, and was recommended by The Times of India. Jennifer is the stay-at-home mother to two young girls and an advocate for ONE Girls and Women. She was also a member of a delegation to Uganda to view UNICEF's family health programs with Shot@Life in 2012 and a UN Foundation "Global Influencer Fellow" in 2013. In 2014 she was a UN Foundation "Social Media Fellow", attended the Americares Airlift to Nicaragua on behalf of Cognizant, participated in the first AYA Summit and was invited by the World Bank to Washington, DC to report on their global Civil Society Meetings. Jennifer also co-created the #Moms4MDGs twitter campaign that extended from July 2013 to March 2014 to raise awareness on all 8 of the UN's Millennium Development Goals to help eradicate extreme poverty. Her writing has been featured by Baby Center, Huffington Post, ONE.org, the UN Foundation's Shot@Life and The Gates Foundation's "Impatient Optimists." Jennifer can be found on Twitter @JenniferBurden.
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I actually have one son in the army right now. The second is going in in March.
Ahhhh!!! Sorry about that, Susie! 🙂
Jen 🙂
Do we ever ask little boys if they want to be Dads some day??
Good question, Carol!! I have no idea. 🙂
Jen
I would have asked myself all those same questions. What a beautiful, sweet, honest answer she gave. She is so sweet!!!
Thanks, Maggie! 🙂
I love that you chose an image of a sculpture from the National Sculpture Garden in DC. It was one of my favorites when I worked at the Smithsonian and ate over at the Sculpture Cafe.
Our eldest boys are convinced that they’re living at home forever too. I take it as a compliment!
Jen,
I love that you took the time to ask your daughter those questions instead of letting your imagination run wild with doubts. Sometimes we just need to take a step back and ask our children the questions as to what they are thinking. You may never have known her answer and may have assumed so many other answers that were incorrect. Kudos to you!
I would so very much love if my girls became mothers one day, but, I am quite careful in how I pose questions to them. For example I say “if you choose to get married one day…” or “if you choose to be a mother one day…” I am careful to never say “when you get married” or “when you become a mother” – I just never want them to think that I expect them to take that path. I want them to figure out there own path, without my influence. I want them to choose whatever journey they want to go on. I even say it about college “if you choose to go to college”, even though I can’t imagine me not trying to influence that. ha!!
*their – sorry for the typo!