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World Moms Network

Connecting mothers; empowering women around the globe.

June 10, 2013

NETHERLANDS: Threshold

TresholdIt has been magical.
Waking up to the sound of a little person chatting.
Starting my mornings with a little person crawling in to bed with me, smiling at me, kissing me.

Carrying a child on my hips, making little ponytails, spoon feeding.

It’s been wonderful to watch the world through tiny eyes.
Eye opening to simply be and sing, laugh or dance on random occasions.
Eskimo kisses, random hugging, silly phrases, chasing and tickling.
It has been freeing to lie on the floor playing with toys; to walk down the streets filled with our fantasies.
Kissing dolls goodnight, searching the house for favorite stuffed animals, driving around singing silly songs.
It’s been heartwarming to be the funniest and smartest person alive, at least in your eyes.

The safest place is no longer exclusively with me.
You are going to school now.
You will spend a big part of the day in someone else’s care.
The world is no longer viewed from within my arm’s length.
Catch length, hug length, hold length.

I hold your hand as I take you to school on your first day.
You’re nervous, and you’re gripping my hand tight.

“Mommy, I’m shy.”

“Don’t worry, the teacher knows you are shy, and she will take good care of you.”

In the class room you spot your favorite activity. Your eyes sparkle with anticipation.
You join two other girls and they immediately start a conversation with you.
Our parting is hasty. You don’t have time for me.
There are colorful shiny papers that demand to be cut and pasted.
Hesitatingly I leave the room.
There are no tears, except maybe in my eyes.
There is no dramatic goodbye, as it should be on a big day like this.
As should be fitting, when you enter into a new era.

Outside I pause in front of the window with your father, hoping to catch your eye so I can wave.
Nothing. You are busy, all consumed with your new environment.
The teacher notices us and taps you on the back. We have to settle with a quick wave from you.
And that’s it.

Just like that my child is all grown.

My day is spent in confusion. I am absent, forgetful, and my eyes are teary.
I have the constant feeling that I’m forgetting something, someone.
At the end of the morning I’m relieved to go and pick you up.

I immediately know that you had a great time. It shows.

As we leave the schoolyard, I watch my oldest while he walks in front of me. He’s all long arms and legs and he is Mr. Cool himself. He is having a vivid conversation with his sister. When did they get so big?
I’m holding your hand. You’re by my side. Close to me. Suddenly you start to pull my hand, you want me to let go. Reluctantly I loose my grip and you run away from me, eager to follow your siblings.

The years I leave behind are truly wonderful.
And I know there is so much more to come.
But I hesitate, I try to hold on to this as long as I can.
Now that I still see traces of that toddler in you.
Now that I can still feel what it was like.

When you were completely mine.

This is an original, first post to World Moms Blog from our new writer in the Netherlands, Mirjam.

The photo used in this post is credited to the author.

If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to the World Moms Blog RSS feed. Thanks for traveling with us around the globe!

Mirjam

Mirjam was born in warm, sunny Surinam, but raised in the cold, rainy Netherlands. She´s the mom of three rambunctious beauties and has been married for over a decade to the love of her life. Every day she´s challenged by combining the best and worst of two cultures at home. In what little time she has left, she enjoys being an elementary school teacher. Mirjam has battled and survived three postpartum depressions. She enjoys being a blogger, an amateur photographer, and she loves being creative in many ways. But most of all she loves live and laughter, even though sometimes she is the joke herself. You can find Mirjam at Apples and Roses where she blogs about her battle with depression and finding beauty in the simplest of things. You can also find Mirjam on Twitter.

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21 Comments
Being Thankful Childhood Children Inspirational International Life Lesson Milestones Mirjam Motherhood Netherlands Parenting Preschool School Siblings World Motherhood Younger Children

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Comments

  1. Alison says

    June 10, 2013 at 3:22 am

    Motherhood is truly bittersweet. We raise them to be independent – of us. And therein lies the push and pull. But, we are always their safe place, no matter if they’re 5, 15, or 25.

    Lovely to see you at WMB, Mirjam.

    Reply
    • Mirjam says

      June 10, 2013 at 10:59 am

      It is bittersweet. It took me by surprise that while I was excitingly preparing her for school, all these other feelings were right under the surface.

      Thanks for reading and commenting, Alison.

      Reply
  2. Jennifer Burden says

    June 10, 2013 at 9:30 am

    Mirjam,

    Welcome to World Moms Blog!

    I am going to go through this all over again in the fall when my oldest is in full-day 1st grade in the US. Sometimes it’s harder for us to let go than for them. This is a lovely post, and welcome to the team!

    Jen 🙂

    Reply
    • Mirjam says

      June 10, 2013 at 11:03 am

      Thank you Jennifer!
      I don’t think it ever gets easier, no matter how big they get.
      1st grade, wow! Then you will soon go through that phase where your kids laugh at you for having a hard time letting go. I see eye rolls in your future!

      Reply
      • Jennifer Burden says

        June 11, 2013 at 2:00 am

        ha ha, Mirjam!

        Reply
  3. Olga @The EuropeanMama says

    June 10, 2013 at 9:46 am

    OMG, this is so beautifully written and so true! I loved you post, and my oldest girl is also going to school in September, and I am both excited an danxious about it… I think motherhood is all about anxious and exciting. Besides, lovely to see more European writers here! And since you also live in the Netherlands, maybe we’ll manage to meet in person!

    Reply
    • Mirjam says

      June 10, 2013 at 11:08 am

      Isn’t it weird how you can be exited and anxious at the same time?
      It is wonderful though, to see how her world gets bigger and how smart she has become almost over night.

      I would love to meet you some day Olga! That would be nice.

      Reply
  4. Mamma Simona says

    June 10, 2013 at 10:22 am

    Mirjam that was really beautifully written … and I remember feeling exactly the same way all those years ago! The separations are always harder on us than they are on them!

    My son is already 20 years old and my “baby” is 17, so I’m rapidly heading for the “empty nest”. Yet, as you so beautifully put, “The years I leave behind are truly wonderful. And I know there is so much more to come.
    But I hesitate, I try to hold on to this as long as I can.”

    I can honestly tell you, that sentiment remains the same whether it’s your child’s first day of school or his first solo International flight to visit his girlfriend!! 🙂

    Reply
    • Mirjam says

      June 10, 2013 at 11:19 am

      First international solo flight?! Okay, wow. There is No way to be ready for that..
      I do believe the sentiment stays the same. They will never be just a grown up, or just a teenager to us. To us they are also, that baby, that toddler and that kid with the missing tooth.

      Reply
  5. Sisters From Another Mister says

    June 10, 2013 at 3:13 pm

    The letting go … are we ever ready, mine are 11 and 15 … not even close to ready 😉

    Reply
    • Mirjam says

      June 11, 2013 at 8:33 am

      Isn’t it funny, how every time we take a big step in letting go we applaud ourselves, only to find out later on that we have to go through the same thing again. And again.
      Thank you for commenting.

      Reply
  6. Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes says

    June 10, 2013 at 3:43 pm

    The absentminded smile and wave, the hasty kiss… Yes, they are always more prepared then we are, aren’t they…
    Beautifully written.
    Welcome neighbour (I’m from Belgium).

    Reply
    • Mirjam says

      June 11, 2013 at 8:28 am

      Thank you, Tinne!
      It’s obviously the Moms that need to be prepared, not the kids.

      Reply
  7. Karyn says

    June 10, 2013 at 11:13 pm

    They are such bittersweet times aren’t they? I have an 11 year-old with feet bigger than mine who, I swear, only yesterday was the smallest baby I had ever seen.

    Reply
    • Mirjam says

      June 11, 2013 at 8:31 am

      I know what you mean, my oldest is almost the same age and I can’t figure out how he grew up that fast.
      Thank you for reading and commenting, Karyn.

      Reply
  8. Maureen says

    June 11, 2013 at 7:59 am

    Beautiful post, Mirjam! Such bittersweet as I think of my own boy getting ready to start Elementary school. Oh be still my heart. Welcome to WMB 🙂

    Reply
    • Mirjam says

      June 11, 2013 at 8:39 am

      Thank you, Maureen!
      I think those moments are the best and the worst.
      On one hand you are so proud of your baby growing up, and on the other hand you don’t want your ‘baby’ to outgrow you too fast.

      Reply
  9. Kimberly says

    June 11, 2013 at 11:34 am

    I think that letting go is the hardest part as a parent. I read a quote from another blog that basically said that we raise them so they can leave and be on their own.
    Sniff.
    I love that you are over here and your gorgeous words xoxo

    Reply
  10. Jenny says

    June 13, 2013 at 1:03 pm

    Mirjam,

    I’m so excited to see you here. Thank you for this post. I will be living this moment in another three months as my oldest goes off to kindergarten. I am already getting teary about this transition.

    Reply
  11. Maman Aya says

    June 13, 2013 at 2:31 pm

    Beautifully written Mirjam! I cried while reading is because my son will be starting the first grade and my darter will start nursery in Sept… Bitter sweet moments of parenthood!
    Welcome to WMB!

    Reply
  12. Eva Fannon (USA) says

    June 14, 2013 at 1:52 am

    You brought me back to the first day of pre-school….and then the first day of Kindergarten. I fought those tears back all day too.

    Beautiful post Mirjam – welcome to WMB!

    Reply

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