Look for Congo on any list ranking quality of life, poverty rate, violence per square meter, etc. and we don’t fare well. Great place to raise a kid, right?
Well, actually, for us, yes.
My friend Jill is my neighbor, co-worker and blogging partner on our blog Mama Congo. We raise our children, along with our husbands, in the Democratic Republic of Congo. What we lack in first world standards, we make up for in mamas. Our children call at least 6 women “mama.” Maybe more depending on the day.
In the Congo every woman is called “Mama So-and-So.” I’m Mama Sarah, she’s Mama Jill, and the women who come to our homes everyday and help us raise our children are Mama Youyou, Mamicho, Mama Vida and Mama Nounou. That’s a lot of mamas between our two households.
My husband Adam and I moved to the Congo five years ago and Jill and her husband Johan moved in next door a little while later. Our children all run around together getting bit by mosquitoes while we call for them to return to their respective houses. It’s a great life; made possible mostly by our mamas.
Jill and I are about to travel back to the States to visit our families for the summer. We’ll spend time with the grandparents, show off the new tricks our kids can do, and indulge in all the food we can’t find in Congo. But sometimes it’s hard to leave our little “village” of women raising our children with us.
Sure we’ll miss their help, but what we mostly miss is how totally fun and wacky and sometimes completely puzzling it is to raise your kids with a Congolese woman by your side. For example, sometimes we’ll find the mamas up in a tree throwing fruit down to our kids. They yell in French, “Look out below!” As star fruit or bunches of bananas rain down.
Every now and then from my office window I’ll see them toting our children on their backs when their little legs are too tired to walk home from the playground. Even the smallest baby cries, “Au dos. Au dos,” (on your back) when she wants to hitch a ride.
I know that if my daughter hasn’t eaten enough of her breakfast, I’ll get an earful when Mama Youyou shows up. She examines the size of her belly, determines it’s not properly filled, and then coaxes her into eating more. Next she reminds me I need to keep my kids nice and fat so that if they get sick they’ll be okay.
When the kids do inevitably get sick, the mamas are the biggest worriers. I get that. Where we’re from in the States, children get sick and then they get better. Here in Congo, that’s not a guarantee. So everyone hovers and shakes their heads and carries them au dos all day while rotating cold washcloths on their foreheads. It’s a major production. And the children love it.
Sometimes people ask us if it’s hard to share that title of “mama” with others. It isn’t. It really isn’t! We feel like the luckiest mamas because our children are being raised in such a different and loving way. Sure, it took some time for everyone to adjust and learn their place in the household, but we’ve all got into a rhythm now. I hold this end, you hold that end as we wrestle their filthy bodies in the tub.
I think every mother can agree that raising your children with a lot of help, mixed in with doses of advice, and sprinkled with good old fashioned judgment to keep you on your toes, is a great way to be a mama.
Do your children have other “mamas” where you live? Who are they, and how do they help you?
This is an original post written for World Moms Blog by Sarah. You can find Sarah blogging with Jill at Mama Congo.
Photo credit to the authors.
Yes! I love this post! We are in Malawi and are about to move to Zambia. Our housekeeper has become another Mama and boy are we going to miss her. I’m really worried about how my girls are going to do with the separation.
I live in South Africa and the other “mama” who practically raised my cousins still works for my aunt and is now putting my cousin’s little girls on her back! 🙂
I also remember my brother (who is 12 years younger than me) learning to speak Xhosa before he spoke English (unfortunately, he forgot it along the way) it was so awesome how “mama” was able to swing him onto her back and (only using a towel or 2) managed to secure him there. I remember trying that trick one day when I was babysitting, but for the life of me I wasn’t able to secure him to my back the way she did!! 🙂
It took me a while to get used to the idea of having help of this kind. But I have to say I now love it. Mama Rukia not only provides loving care for our baby, but has become a good friend to me and I can’t imagine life without her. We are really blessed and I know my kids will grow up richer having another “mama” around.
Everyone should have so many mamas! My kids don’t call anyone else mama, but there are plenty of “aunties” running around (some related, some not), which I hope will create for my kids a sense of community and connection that goes beyond our little family out into the larger world.
It sounds like a fabulous and less stressful life when you have so many helping hands.
Love this, Sarah! What a great experience — it takes a village, doesn’t it? And so many of us here are trying to do it all without so much help. I love the story of all the mamas!!
If you are in the NY area on your visit to the States, we must meet!
Welcome to World Moms Blog!
Jen 🙂
It sounds so fun raising kids in Congo! I have a helper at home who really loves my son. Once, my boy even calls her “mommy”. I got a little jealous but then I realise it’s only because she’s taking such great care of him.
I would love to live in this environment. It sounds beautiful, and closer to the way we should live as a society, sharing the responsibility for each other’s lives.
Hi Sarah,
thanks for sharing your story. This is something I read about a lot- how well other cultures raise their children and maybe we should do the same. However, I am very happy to raise my children in Western Europe, and also I get extremely overwhelmed by other people and need lots of alone time. I think I was lucky to be raised in a small family consisting only of my brother, and my parents, and the “it takes a village”-philosophy has never appealed to me. But I wish that everybody would find the kind of help and support they need, whether it means having daycares and kindergardens, family members around or a supportive wonderful communitieis of other mamas.
I’m in awe and happy for you — living this way not just for a year or short term of service but long term! And congrats on getting this published here. I know your mama — Gretchen. 🙂 Have a great visit with all your friends and relatives here.
Thank you for the kind words, Melodie. They mean so much coming from fellow writers/bloggers! -Sarah
I loved reading this article! It is so nice to hear about some of the positives regarding the Congo! Thanks so much for sharing!
Yes! Who would have thought it could be so wonderful to raise our children in the Congo?! Thanks so much for all of the great feedback. So many of us owe unending gratitude to all the mamas, aunties, papas, etc. who help us along the way.
Thank you, Sarah, for writing this great description of our lives in the DRC. It’s been interesting to see how the kids respond to going back Stateside for just a few weeks – sans all of their Mamas. Our little ones have already begun a complicated list of all the things they “need to tell Mama Vida.”
Mama Congo is so happy to be a part of this community of international families – thank you!
I found you through my good friend Janice, who is one of your relatives (a cousin???). In Edmonton, Alberta I was part of a New Mom’s Group and we all were aunties to each other’s kids. I really miss that group of women. Here in Ontario I feel like with church friends we are helping to raise each other’s kids but it’s definitely not that day to day interaction which you have written about here. Since having children I truly believe that “it takes a village to raise a child” and I am so thankful for mine. Thanks for sharing this post.
Thanks for introducing yourself! So glad you enjoyed the post. It does take a village. -Sarah
Lovely post, brings back lots of memories for me, my little girl had Mama Memmy (Memory), who was worried when my daughter called her Mama that I would be upset, she was sweet and kind and loving. Sadly she passed on whilst carrying her own little angel but I think of her so often,
Then before we moved we had our beloved Elly who was Mama to us all and who I laughed and cried with on many an occasion and Mavis before my daughter was born even, she was an amazing lady, Mama, psych,friend ++ who carried us through a really difficult time.
In fact there are a lot of great Mama’s out there who don’t get enough credit for the amazing jobs they do- so to all the Mama’s I have known-thank you all and much love to you all.
What a great post – it makes me miss my family – they are all on the east coast while I am on the west coast. I recently visited and everyone was so helpful with the girls – it felt so much less stressful and relaxed than my every day. Thanks for sharing!
Salue Sarah et Adam. Je suis très contente de lire votre experience à Kinshasa et ca me rappel beaucoup de bon moment que j’ai passé ensemble avec vous. Oui, je suis fier parce que tes deux filles liront et apprendront à vivre comme des varies congolaises. Merci!